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Journal
January 24, 2002
Last night I spoke at a Weight Watcher meeting in a nearbye town. After talking a bit about myself, Andrea let the group ask me questions. A woman who visits this website often asked me something I felt was very important... I thought I would share it with you. Since she reads my journal and 'knows me' she wanted to know why I thought I struggled some days and how I keep getting the motivation back over and over again. I don't have a definitive answer but I can tell you that I struggle for many different reasons...as i'm sure many of us do. It may be hormonal, it can be stress-related, there are times it's simply 'there' and I want it and sometimes.....well ya know I just don't want to do this. We all have difficult times, we all 'fall off the wagon'. What makes me get back on time and time again is experience. I have a choice each and every day as to what direction I am going to head in and the attitude i'll take with me along the way. No matter what happened yesterday....I know now that one baby step back in the right direction is going to lead to another and to yet another. I know the more steps I take.......the better I feel. I know that motivation comes back and most times with a passion for this healthy lifestyle that is even stronger than it was before. I know that it becomes a choice....stumbling blocks?.....or stepping stones? Do I trip and fall flat on my face......or do I take what I can from it, learn from it and move on? You still have to live your life. This is not just about food. You can learn to forgive yourself, without letting it be an excuse for you to overindulge everyday. There is a balance.
Another topic discussed was rapid weight loss. Those people who can lose 100 pounds or more in no time at all and seemingly without a struggle. Why is it so easy for them? Well, i'm here to tell you that it is not. Forgive me if you are one of these people, as i'm not trying to offend anyone, but I feel this must be said. Anyone can lose weight....even hundreds of pounds. I too have lost alot of weight before only to gain it back like many do. This last time I joined weight watchers....not only had I gained back all that I had lost....but over 100 more pounds as well. What had I learned? Well, I learned that stuffing myself on the days immediately following my weigh-in day then being 'good' for the couple of days before it wasn't so wise afterall. I learned that driving to McDonald's for that quarter pounder with cheese after weigh-in each week finally caught up with me. I learned that starving myself on weigh-in day in order to get the scale down stopped working as well. I also learned that this is not about reaching an ideal weight as much as it is learning to live a healthy life....whether it's weigh-in day or not. These people......they will struggle....and it is only then we find out if they are truly successful. There is nothing wrong with you for struggling.....this is not easy. But everytime you fight back, each time you refuse to surrender you will gain strength and in the end there will be no question as to whether or not you will succeed. Some of us take a more direct path and we get there quicker and some of us...well, we take a more scenic route where we take time to stop and gaze at the beauty of life along with the lessons we learn along the way.
What has made the difference for me this time is that I simply refuse to give up. I made that choice years ago....when I stepped on that scale at my first WW meeting and realized that I had 200 pounds to lose. Yes, overwhelming......but also possible. So what if I hadn't known another soul who had lost that kind of weight? I am just that stubborn! What was my other choice? I knew already that I would struggle. I had already learned that and many other lessons the hard way. I was, and still am, surrounded with such inspiration and some really wonderful examples in my life. I understand that I have a weight problem and I am by no means 'cured'.....I probably never will be and that's ok. I love food....there's nothing wrong with that as long as I can control it.....and that, in itself, is a learned behavior that takes time and practice. The real success?....Where I once could not climb a flight of stairs without pain....I can now run for miles at a time. Where there was once a me who wished to be invisible so as not to be started at.....I now flaunt it and expect to be noticed. I have reached a point now where I am not doing this just for the scale. I do it because I LOVE the way I feel....and the best part is.....I do it just for ME.
Why i'm telling you all this is because it's important to me that you know that I am really no different from anyone else. I share so much of myself because i've been there. I know what it feels like to be that overwhelmed and I know that having an extreme amount of weight to lose can take over your life. Also, because it's SO good for me to listen to my own advice....I am not perfect! Surround yourself with support and inspiration.....realize you are your harshest critic and go easy! If this were simple many more people would be succeeding. Remember persistance.....not perfection. Don't get so consumed in what you do wrong......instead, look forward....realize you must learn and keep fighting.....you're worth it!
~Kim
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