March 15, 2004 

Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going.
-- Jim Rohn

The message forums have been abuzz lately with lots of huge losers, struggle and talk about the scale. I suppose i've reached a point in my journey where the scale plays little importance to me and for that I am so thankful because it's certainly a far cry from how I felt about it just a couple of years ago.

Of course, it's always motivating to see those numbers go down, especially when you've used that to gauge your success for so long and it's what everyone else gauges your success by, but after you've lost a great deal of weight it can take nothing short of a miracle to see another pound come off at times.... even though there are so many other changes evident the lack of movement at the scale is really enough to make you nuts. The numbers will break you down if you let them. Why risk your motivation? Why limit yourself by gauging your success on what the scale says? Sure, you say you wont care...but you do. I could fluctuate 5 or more pounds in a day. I could be on top of the world, have all the motivation I could ask for but if I look down at that scale and see those numbers go up it takes something very valuable away from me. No matter how much I try not to let it or how much I know better.

When I got under 200 pounds things stalled for me and it seemed there was nothing I could do to lose another ounce. My diet was perfect and I exercised like a mad woman each and every day. I really had to work harder than ever just to maintain those numbers...I started weight training and the numbers went up and wouldn't come back down! Eventually I got sick, put on all kinds of meds...my brother vanished, the focus came off of me and it just didn't seem worth all that effort anymore. Thank God for the habits I have developed or I would have gained 200 back in no time i'm sure!

No matter what the cause, the point is I let the scale discourage me. I let the numbers I saw take something away from me that I needed more than ever at that point and I even gained weight back because of it. Sure, I caught myself... and no, i'm not even close to 400 pounds again but I have a few pounds on me that i've already lost once and I hate that fact. Now I have a choice to make...do I let that fact discourage me even more or do I fight even harder taking an important lesson away from the experience....(?). You all know my answer to that. ;-)

I understand that as the years pass on maintenence, the scale will go up and down and i'm really ok with that....when i'm at that number...but I have NEVER reached a point on this journey that I have been complacent with where I was....even when my doctors were! I started on mission and I am still working towards that goal.

I guess what I want most by posting all of this is for you all to learn from my mistakes.

Sure there are people who lose all their weight and don't struggle with all of this along the way ...and good for them! They are the minority though. ;) I've been doing this a long, long time and i've seen people lose more than I have in just a year's time .....only to put it all back on again plus. I've seen people keep it off for a while then slowly put it all back on. Why? Because they do it for the numbers. Anyone commited can lose weight...I have no doubt about this. Statistics prove it They also prove the fact that very few keep it off for even a year.

I refuse to live my life on salad alone, I refuse to be miserable and I refuse to limit my life experiences because of my diet/exercise program. I still love good food and i'm still learning how to enjoy it and live healthy. I'm still fighting demons from my past. But, I have formed new habits that I am so sure will stay with me for the rest of my life and that in itself is a huge accomplishment. The focus belongs there while I struggle with the rest...not on the scale! I truly believe that if i'm not doing something right now that I can live with for the rest of my life then I am not doing myself any good. I don't want this weight back EVER.

It's also important to note that although I still have pounds I want to lose, I have the lungs of an athlete, my blood pressure, liver enzymes, cholesterol and other blood work is all in check! In our quest to make the numbers go down.....let's not forget about our health! This is the greatest reward of weight loss!

I am not the only 'big loser' that has experienced this struggle and it is not because we didnt try! I'm convinced there is a way to reach that ideal number but I also know that it's going to take even more than I was giving last year and that I have to be committed to that fact while keeping everything else in my life in check.

You have to keep asking yourself "How bad do I want it?"....you have to keep pushing yourself beyond your own expectations. You must also understand that you will have to work harder than almost anyone else you know without seeing the results that anyone else would get if they were doing the same things. I have to understand that this is about ME and my journey and not compare it to those who are losing very quickly. This is no simple task...actually, it's frustrating as hell. Where I used to celebrate every 5 pounds, I now have to reward each and every pound...if that...and it takes alot longer to get that. I have to find my motivation somewhere besides the scale. I also have to understand that i'm not 400 pounds anymore...that my body is used to working out and eating well and really...that's such an awesome thing!

I think it's important for all of us to remember that what we're doing right now is learning how to live like we will be 20 years from now. Yes, those of us with an extreme amount of weight to lose and who have lost a great deal have to fight much harder for the time being but the fact remains that we must still learn all of the lessons to carry with us along the way...we must still form the habits that will keep us where we want to be for the rest of our lives while we do this. Only then are we truly successful. That is where our focus belongs.

Do not let the scale be your judge and jury! Yes, it's important and yes, if you have stalled you need to work your ass off to find a way to get it to move again. But in the meantime you must be absolutely sure not to let it discourage your efforts....that is the point in which your 'success' is truly measured.

You big losers out there who have struggled recently (you know who you are!)...know that you are not alone. There are actually lots of us who have lost over 100...150...or more....and we have struggled along the way too. Our reasons for doing this have moved far beyond the scale haven't they? We do this because it feels good...we do this for the energy...we do it because we feel empowered and because remember so well the other side of this coin.

Each and every day and every choice you make needs to be worth something, it needs to count if you want this bad enough. Over time these habits we're forming are what will make us a true success. Let's continue to challenge and support each other ...without excuses and without judgement from the scale! Learn how to inspire yourself...and I promise to do the same. It is truly the best kind of motivation!

~Kim