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Journal
July 30, 2002
There just simply needs to be more time in the day. Now who would I talk to about that? 
Having the kiddies home for the summer is great but i've rarely a moment in my days to spare. Did I mention the new puppy and the fact that there are still boxes to be emptied from when we moved just over a year ago?  Let's just say life has been a tad stressful for a number of reasons and it has truly been a challenge to find time in my days to get anything done for myself. Including this journal, planning my meals and getting in my exercise which I have learned is vital at this stage in my journey. I had myself a short lived pity party, as we all sometimes do, then told myself to get over it and gave myself a swift kick in the tush! Baby steps! One foot in front of the other! I know better!
I've had alot of email lately (yes, from you regular journal readers wondering if I fell off the face of the earth again ) but also from some pretty big 'losers' who are now struggling to get back, or stay in, control. Now I don't know why they think that I would possibly be able to relate  ......but how I do.
The stages of weight loss are amazing. One minute you can feel so empowered and that you have total control. That nothing and nobody can stop you from getting to where you want to be. You are journaling, you are exercising, you are at the top of your game and feeling fine! Then something happens....you lose control .......sometimes not even recognizing yourself (who is this person and what has she done with the OhSoMotivated me!?). It can be anything that starts you back down that dark path again....an underserved gain at the scale, an extra point...or maybe several extra points (Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream 26 points/pint .) It doesn't even need to be associated with food or weight loss at all. Any number of things can set us on that downward spiral again....and we fall...sometimes briefly, sometimes hard. All the while grasping at anything we can find. Beating ourselves up along the way and hoping to be saved by someone....something....anything, when really....the answer is in each of us. What sets one of us on that 'wrong' path may help to empower another. The cause can be different every time ......and so can the solution.
Hence, there being no magic pill and nobody having one easy answer for successful and permanent weight loss . I know, I know....."DUH!"
YOU have to understand yourself......what works for you and what doesn't. You have to know your strengths, your weaknesses, your red light foods, your attitude, your hormones....everything! Understand just how YOU work and what helps YOU get it together again! Realize these things will sometimes change. For some of us it all starts with one good meal or perhaps a workout, maybe putting our thoughts into words . Either way, it's baby steps back in the right direction......Success is not a doorway....it's a staircase!.....learn how to get yourself back up on that ladder and onto the right path again. You know the one, where you wonder how you could ever struggle at all when it feels so good to be doing so good?
As you figure out what will help, you may start to fall back down again but each time there is a new choice to make. Over time you will find ways to pick yourself back up, you will know better what to do.
The struggle doesn't dissappear when you lose alot of weight or when you reach your ideal goal weight. We don't ever stop falling .....we just learn how to do it better hehe....and we get better at picking ourselves up.
There does seem to be one common thread among those of us who have had weight off for any length of time......perseverance. Never surrender!
The only one who can stop you......is you!
Whatever you do....don't make excuses. Nobody expects more of you than you do. Accepts your faults, accept your weaknesses but at the same time learn to fight your battles by using your strengths.....you do have them you know. Focus on the good...not the bad. Your attitude will determine your ultimate path.
Whether you think you can...or you think you can't....you are right.
Am I right? Course I am.  It's been a rough road learning these lessons.....if I can help one of you believe or save yourselves from some hard falls then it's worth my efforts here. Just like I know it's in me....I know it's in each of you....so fight for it....it will come.
Ok, enough about all of you. Actually, I think what I have to say will probably help many of you out there who read my journal. Let's talk about good ole Bob Greeen! You know him, he is the fitness guru that helped Oprah! After my last entry I decided that I would not settle for where I was at the scale and set out to find my answers. I spent hours at Barnes & Nobel reading (those chairs are quite comfy btw). I read about nutrition, exercise and all kinds of weight loss books each with their own answer....ugh! Then I picked up Bob's Get with the Program and as I turned the pages I found myself nodding in agreement with alot of what he said...realizing that when it came to diet I was in check....then I read this....
"Low-intensity exercise is not all that effective in changing your metabolism!"
and......
"The entire premise behind training is to challenge your body and have it respond by getting stronger. Don't challenge it and risk having little or no change take place."
I know, duh again right? But most people wouldn't consider running a few miles 'low-intensity'! The truth is that it was...for me! I wasn't challenging my body enough. My heart rate wasn't in the 'zone'. Although I was running, I barely broke a sweat....I was too 'comfortable'. I limited my strength training because I feared the numbers on the scale going up as I increased my muscle mass. I was, in essence, eating well and exercising a great deal with little or no change. Sure, I felt great and was maintaining my weight but I want the numbers to go down again! Needless to say, VERY frustrating.
In order to get the results I wanted I needed to challenge myself more. I began a new workout routine. Higher intensity....but less time constraining. Before the kids got out of school, I still warmed up and cooled down but was at my target heart rate (145-155) for at least 30 minutes 5x's a week for a total of 150 minutes per week. I incorporated more stretches and crunches into my workout and I increased my weights to at least 3x's per week. After some time I increased the amount to 3 sets of 12 reps @ 12 lbs instead of 10. The scale did go up for a while and i'll admit that hurt lol....but Bob said to stick it out...so I did! He was right....it came down again.... my body was shrinking and I was seeing the results I have been working for for so long. Even when I didn't do so well with my eating, I noticed that my body bounced back better. Thank you Bob!!!
I know this is the answer that i've been looking for and after I got over my initial ageda at working so hard for so long with no real results when they were right freakin there in front of me I was just so pleased to have a direction in which to go. I think I told just about everyone I knew that I would be getting2goal! lol
Weight Watchers doesn't teach you how to speed up your metabolism after losing a large amount of weight. They don't give you the reasons why weight loss slows down or help you learn how to speed it up again. They don't tell older people that it is muscle loss that inhibits their weight loss and makes it more difficult...not age. Why do you think men lose faster than women? I think that they should. I think that many more people would succeed if they just had the knowledge and understood that there are reasons things slow down. Also, that there are ways to fight back. Maybe it's to get more of your money, or maybe there's just so much to teach that it gets passed over, either way....if more people are to be successfull at this then we need to know. It's quite frustrating to be working so hard with little results...why bother, right? It's a good thing i'm so stubborn i'll tell you that much!
So, I seem to have my answer....now just to have the time again. Sure I could do it at 8pm when Mark gets home from work or 10pm when he's home from band practice but I guess I just don't want it that bad right now. ...and that's ok with me. I will find the time again soon and I will get to where I want to be on the scale.
As you can imagine, I still get alot of questions about excess skin. Let me start by saying that how your body will react to your weight loss has to do with alot of factors but mostly with your own skin's elasticity. Everyone is different! No cream, exercise or gimmick will help your loose skin. You do not lose fat cells unless they are sucked or cut out of you (I know gross...but true), they just 'deflate'...if you've filled and emptied them many times then they will probably not be as resiliant. Proper diet and exercise...and steady, healthy weight loss is your best bet.
In my last entry I shared that I have decided to have surgery on both my abdomen and my upper arms. I am doing this for cosmetic reasons, of course, I have no shame in admitting that I want to look great naked! I've worked hard for this body! But more importantly I believe it is now medically necessary for me to take this step because of the pain in my back. Last week I talked to the plastic surgeon briefly who, bless his heart, told me that I looked to be where I wanted to as far as weight goes and that as long as i'm ready...so is he. I have a full consultation with him on August 15th. I am debating on whether or not to keep this appointment. I also have an appointment with my primary care doctor on Friday because the muscle spasms in my back are becoming more intense as time goes by and I would like his opinion on whether or not he thinks I should wait. I am going to try to put off the surgery as long as possible as I would prefer to be closer to my ideal weight before having it but I will see what my primary doctor has to say on Friday. I'll keep you all posted.
So until next time.....
I am complete.....but not finished!
~Kim
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