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Journal
October 17, 2002
Where have I been for over 2 months you ask? "Hell" might be the best way to describe it. 
So many of you have been curious as to how my health issues are going that i'm going to take a little time to explain what's been going on, as it does relate to how my diet and exercise have been effected. After weeks of being quite ill I had all kinds of testing done. It turns out that not only am I extremely allergic to dogs, but to cats, horses, dust (does this mean I get a maid?  , grass, pollen, ragweed, all kinds of trees and who the heck knows what else. Do I get itchy eyes or runny nose?....Nahhhhhh....I get quite nauseous and my nasal passages and throat swell up....lovely, I know. Although my lungs are getting enough air it doesn't feel like I can breathe....feels a bit like an asthma attack i'm told. It is very scary. Boy, do I sympathize with those of you who have asthma! I've learned alot about allergies and how different things effect me over the past couple of months and hope that as time passes I find a way to better manage all of this. I don't 'do' sick very well! Anyway, now that we've had our first frost i've been feeling SO much better, but this summer certainly took it's toll on me. I was put on a prescription anti-histamines as well as a nasal corticosteriod inhaler to treat the symptoms that I get. The anti-histamine's didn't really do the job, although I still needed them, and it turned out the steroids make me extremely ill. So much for medicine. 
Since my weight loss, my menstral cycle is now regular but my skin has taken a toll and so has my temperment at times. (I know all you guys out there are just loving this.....skip to the next paragraph if you must.  ) My doctor suggested anti-depressants or birth-control pills in order to level out my hormones. Some of you may remember my having battled with this before. "Give it three months this time", he said. So, during this same time I am dealing with the new-found allergy issues and feeling very sick, tired and even 'stoned' from the medications they had me try  , my doctor had me on a 3-month trial of birth control pills. Let me just say that I had my period for the three weeks out of each month that I wasn't suppose to and stopped for the week I was suppose to have it. My emotions were more out of whack than ever and my breasts swelled and were tender the entire time I was on them. (Not always such a bad thing some might say....but i'm already a 36DD! ) It can always be worse right? Yeah, I kept telling myself that too.
Having been sick and unable to eat much of the time, I certainly wasn't expecting to see a 7 pound gain at the scale after a few weeks of this!  Sure, I wasn't working out as I normally do and I could see that my body was losing muscle but that should account for a weight loss.....not gain. I could blame it on the meds (which was probably the case) but I so dislike making excuses. Even though I knew better, it didn't help my efforts or my attitude any. I didn't feel like myself anymore, and helpless in regards to my own body. So I just got angry and had myself a short-lived pity party. For a few days I ate whatever I wanted and was just saying "NO" to any kind of exercise! Oh yeah, that helped. I felt even worse, had very little energy and was just plain miserable. My body just would not have that.....which is a good sign. I made a conscious decision that it needed to stop NOW and began the fight to regain my focus. I did quite a bit of soul searching and asked myself alot of tough questions. I knew it would be an uphill battle but over the course of the last 5 years, I have also learned that it's a battle I can, and have, won. I also know that the rewards for this far outweigh the price of the fight. Of course, I was right.
I'm so pleased that as time passes I seem better able to pull myself back in the right direction and in less time than it used to take, but also realize that in no way does that make me perfect at this. I still have alot to learn, I still need the support, I still need the journaling, I still need the weighing and measuring and I still need those baby steps just as much as anyone else. I need to be held accountable and to set goals for myself. Although we can learn so much with time and struggle, this process is never ending. The steps may get easier to take but we've still got to take them.....and we've still got to pull it back together sometimes. This is where the new Back to the Basics Challenge idea was born. Selfish on my part, but at the same time....if these are the tools that I have learned to help me most wouldn't they help others, no matter their success or struggle, as well? It seems they have. 
My yearly physical is tomorrow morning and I have a feeling my doctor will be getting an earful. I am no longer taking any medicine whatsoever and feeling much better......funny that. I have been working out and eating right again and feel great! Life is still quite hectic as football and cheering is every day/night of the week but it keeps me out of trouble (and out of the kitchen. A little prioritizing, support, advanced meal planning, goal-setting, and some "me" time has proven to do me, and my efforts, a world of good.
Many people have asked about my exercise routine from the start of this journey and since i've promised a better explanation for months, i'm going to touch on that now that i'm here and thinking about it. When I started Weight Watchers this time I was around 367 pounds. Needless to say, there wasn't much I could do in the way of a proper workout. I didn't have alot of extra money and was home all day with small children at the time. My basic goal then was simply to get my body moving more. As I suggest to others, and as a rule I still live by, I found ways in my day to move. I park further away from the door at stores, I take the stairs when I can, I procrastinate less about getting things done and do things like playing with, instead of just watching, the kids outside or at the playground. I had read a quote that to this day I often repeat to myself........"A body in motion tends to stay in motion........A body at rest tends to stay at rest." Makes total sense doesn't it? I lived, and still do, by that quote. The more I move...the more I want to move....and visa-versa. I think that holds true for most all of us. At the start, I didn't want to move much....I just couldn't. So, I did what I could. I used canned veggies as weights for strength training exercises now and then but concentrated my efforts more on walking. I lived in a condo-complex with three buildings. The circle around those three buildings was 1/3 of a mile...so 3x's around was a mile. I had the kids so I needed to push a double-stroller along as well. I would walk around those buildings, each time picking up a pebble from the ground to measure my distance. I had no expectations for myself but over time found I had more and more pebbles at the end of each walk. Because my diet had improved and the weight was coming off the walks became even longer and faster. I began to load the stroller with snacks and juice, crayons and games and started to venture further away from home. I walked where I wanted, when I wanted.....still without any expectations or limits. I would later travel my route in the car to measure my distance and began to keep track of the time it would take. Watching the miles add up and the time decrease certainly helped to motivate and push me harder. I wore through the wheels on that stroller.....that's success! Once the really cold months set in, we invested in a good treadmill. At the time I was still over 250 pounds but after having walked regularly and at an increasing pace for so long, I began to incorporate some running into my walks. At first it was 1/10th of a mile here and there.....then 2/10th's .....and so on. I will never forget the day I first ran a complete mile.....cried like a baby.
If you go through my past journal entries, you'll find that I have spent a long time working out for many hours a day and not seen great weight loss. The frustration I faced because of this forced me to educate myself even more and come up with a new plan which, up until a couple months ago, was working great. I'm back to that now and hope the results are what I expect. These days I am able to run 5-6 miles at a time (on the treadmill) but have learned that power-walking is much better for my body so concentrate my time mostly on that. I am working my way back up to doing this five times a week for a total of 150 minutes of target cardio per week. In a week or so, I will begin my three days of strength-training sessions again. It's alot for now, yes. But it's something I now need to do in order to get results. Besides, it's a far cry from "once around the condo-complex" days and that feels good.....ahhhhh progress!
I am a firm believer that you have to enjoy what you're doing. That's not to say "all" the time....but if you just hate what you're doing you're not going to continue it. It's so important that you find what works for YOU...and that can take some trial and error so it's important not to get discouraged. I can tell you that it's taken me years to learn what works and doesn't work for me. I've learned that i'm not a "gym-person". I do enjoy the change now and then but I much prefer being in my own home, on my own time and on my own terms, with my own music blasting in my ears. I know that I need my treadmill right here in my sight in order for me to use it. Until recently, I never set a pre-determined speed or distance for myself....because it tended to play with my psyche that way. I can tell you that I love my yoga but use it more of a stretch than anything. Even though I know how much it helps with toning and flexibility, it's just not "exercise" to me if i'm not sweating or working hard at it. I'm not a lover of exercise videos but keep a few around for a change of pace. I prefer to be on the treadmill but it does bore me at times so getting outside is important to me too. I work out best during mid-morning hours and after a good breakfast. I know that it often sets the course for the rest of my day and that I do better with my eating when i'm working out regularly. I've learned that in having a great deal of weight to lose, you really need to re-evaluate your routine now and then and understand how it's working for your body. I will need to continue to fight even harder until I reach my goal weight and then i'll have to learn what routine will not only keep me there....but one that will keep me healthy as well as one that I can live with based on my lifestyle.
The whole premise behind getting your body to move more is finding a way to incorporate it into your daily routine so that your body stays in motion.....that's the ultimate goal. You're not going to do that if you don't like what you're doing or how it makes you feel. In saying that, I also know that there are certainly days I am bitching the whole time i'm tying up my laces, but I know too that usually after that first mile or two in i'm pumped, feeling great and ready for more. If not, I still know that i'm doing my body good and winning a battle by sucking it up and getting it done.
What it all comes down to is self-awareness, continuous effort and knowledge and good ole subborness.
Until next time.......
No matter how deep the hole......never lose sight of the light.
~Kim
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