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Journal
December 17, 2002
There have sure been enough bumps in my road to last me a lifetime! I want to say enough is enough already but at the same time I realize that there are many people on this earth that have it alot more difficult than me. I need to stop with the whining and complaining...suck it up and find a way to fight back. That is what I do best, afterall.  My feeling good without meds was pretty short lived. The best way to describe my reaction to allergies is to equate it to asthma. It's a pretty scary feeling and it really doesn't make exercise too easy. I realize what i'm feeling is real but at the same time i'm trying to convince myself that it's all just going to go away. It is getting better but it's still hard for me to conceive that all of a sudden I am so significantly compromised by things that never seemed to have any effect on me whatsoever.
Thanks so much to all of you who wrote to me regarding this issue...keep it coming. Like with weight loss, it helps alot to know i'm not alone and what helps others. Knowledge really is how I fight back so i've been learning all I can from any source I can. I've been back in touch with the allergist who really seems to care about what she's doing and is more than willing to help educate me. I've learned alot about Volatile Organic Compound's and new homes. I've even stopped in to see Mary (my oh so wise massage tech who is just one of those people who knows alot about everything) she had alot to offer as usual. I have learned alot and it seems I am starting to feel much better (knock on wood). My pillows are covered.....my house is much cleaner....the air purifier is working around the clock and i'm taking my meds. One very important thing i've learned is that a healthy body and immune system helps alot so my fight to keep up this healthy lifestyle is more important than ever.
That being said, I really need to get back into the habit of regular exercise. Because of my health I have taken it very easy lately and I can surely see how that has effected me. There is a mirror that I keep in front of my treadmill when I walk or run. I have very muscular legs and it has become habit....maybe even a gauge of my progress.....to watch the muscles in my thighs as I work out. To notice the changes is a high for me. I love seeing that kind of progress...it makes me want more. Weird, I know, but we all have these little things that keep us going. Anyway, i've noticed how much less tone I have become and I just wont have it. I have much less energy without the workouts and my clothes are fitting differently. I've stayed off the scale because it just doesn't matter what it says right now. What's most important is that I get back into the lifestyle that i've become accustomed to. Actually, what's really most important is that I really want to...... bad! That speaks volumes.
Saying it and doing it are two different things.....I know. So, how do I get there? Baby steps! I actually do practice what I preach ya know.  A healthy attitude is the very first step. Maybe one of the most difficult as well. It's far too easy to beat yourself up when you're not doing what you know you should be doing....no matter the cause. It's just easier (at that moment) to say the heck with it. At the same time, that is just what gives us the excuse to give up on ourselves. One thing I will NEVER do....is give up.
My attitude adjustment started by visiting the salon yesterday to have my nails done again. This was my very first reward after losing my first 20 pounds about 5 years ago. I've had them done ever since but stopped a few months ago because of the work we're doing on the house and to save some money for other things. I realized though that it's something that helps to make me feel good about myself...it makes me feel pretty...it's time just for me...it really goes far beyond the nails. Not taking time or doing anything just for 'me' can be pretty detrimental...a lesson I learned the hard way. Getting here to post these words is another step. (What? Did you think I was doing this just for you?  )
I have set small goals for today....one of them is exercise because that is my strongest weapon. Everything else seems to just fall back into place because of that. I also have a long range goal in regards to my exercise with a massage as a reward. My eating is pretty much in check but I could certainly use more fruits and veggies so that is another goal. I've also started journaling less and less in the mad rush that comes with this time of year so that will stay out on my counter where I am reminded of it constantly. Staying in control over the holidays usually isn't a problem anymore (notice I said "usually") but it will be something I am anchored into and thinking about for sure.
Cheerleading is now over and our girls did GREAT! After taking second at districts, we placed 5th in a very close race out of the best 18 teams in all of New England...two of those top teams having been national champions. These girls really had to work hard and overcome more obsticles than most so we are VERY proud coaches! How sweet it is to see hard work pay off like that! I must admit that although I do miss it, i'm happy to have some time right now.
It's almost a given that getting2goal and every other weight loss 'tool' around will be bombarded at the start of the New Year. Resolutions are in full force and everybody wants to lose weight. One of the problems with that is in saying you'll begin 'then' almost gives you permission to overinduldge until then. Really, how much more weight do you think you could gain over the next two weeks....until 'then' comes??? Do you really want to have that much more to lose? It supports every misconception there is in regards to weight loss. Everyone goes into it full force, believing that they are really going to do it this time......nothing will stop them. They believe in some program or promise when what they really need is to believe in themselves. The reality is that VERY few will actually lose weight and even less will keep that weight off. Why is that when it's something most of us would give almost anything for? Maybe it's because we give ourselves a starting date and an 'ending' date (goal weight). Maybe it's because the minute we eat another cookie we believe we have failed and couldn't possibly sustain a healthy body weight for any length of time because food just tastes too good and we have so little control. Maybe the amount there is to lose is just too overwhelming. I think it's about time people started getting real. It takes continual knowledge, struggle and effort to reach and maintain a healthy weight. Set your own standards...don't let society's pressures do it for you.
If you're one of these people.....waiting to begin.....do something right now. Go out and take a walk. Put what you want and how you plan to get there into your own words and put it someplace where you are sure to read it. Find support and begin to learn.
Let your only resolution for this new year..... and all the years of your life.....be to never, EVER, stop believing in your own strengths. That is where your success truly lies.
Perfection is a misconception. Procrastination is your greatest rival.
~Kim
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