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Journal
July 16,2001
So i've been putting off writing my journal for a while because of everything else going on in my life but today I almost feel like I have to be here, not only to allow you all to crawl back into my over crowded mind, but I need to take a break and get it all back in perspective.
As far as the house goes....well, we're still not in but it's done and it's beautiful and it should only be a couple more days before the big move. We're now living out of boxes and sleeping on matresses which isn't the greatest fun, but it's certaily an adventure. It's been a fun process getting to pick everything out new for the house and watching it be built....but we're ready to move in now!
I had some really good results at the scale after shaking up my diet for a while and getting in some extra exercise and did receive my star for '165' pounds lost not too long ago. That felt great....actually, I cried like a baby! hehe It wasn't so much that I lost another 5 pounds....but it's the star I got so close to before my father died and have struggled SO hard to get back to. That was the true reward of reaching that milestone....it was a hell of a fight but.......battle won! And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing!
Since then it's been slow going....but going. :) With all of the stress in my life right now I feel I have to fight so much harder just to stay OP..... but it's all good....i'm still winning and as stubborn as ever. I can't expect to lose as easily as I used to and realize i've got to give it more and more as time goes by but that's ok too..... I want that '170' star! Grrrrrrrrrrr! lol I've not had the time to make it to my meetings enough and that doesn't help either but I don't feel that's thrown me off program at all. I am still determined to make each an every day count and that's an important lesson i've learned right there. My main problem is what I DON'T eat on the days i'm super busy and that I don't make the time to work out because there's always something else I need to be doing....like writing my journal. :)~ BUT....i'm getting better...... I do get on the treadmill when I feel overwhelmed and I come online when I need extra support and motivation. I've started making daily challenges in the message forums to help keep me on the right track. These are the tools that help me to fight back and boy am i'm using them!
They say it can take 4 years for us to form new behaviors. Well, i'm now in my fourth year of this journey and I can certainly see the truth in that. I also believe that it takes struggle, perserverance and learning to believe in yourself as well. Although i'm not where I want to be, I do make better choices now without even thinking about it. I do it because I know it's what's right for my body and it's what makes me feel good. It's not just about the numbers anymore....it's about feeling right. I know now that I can start working out again even if i've taken a couple of days off. I understand that it may take running a mile, two...even three to get those endorphins flowing but when I do i'm pumped up, more in control and ready to take on the world. Looking forward to my workouts and using them instead of food to deal with stress has been a major change for me...i'm proud of that. Yes, I have to fight harder....but it seems I am more motivated now then I ever have been. Challenging myself has made a huge difference. As always, I take it 5 pounds at a time but i'm also very close to having lost 50% of my body weight which blows my mind! Knowing the stress i'm under and that i've not gained 20 pounds because of it is a success in itself as well. I'm doing the best that I can do and that's enough.
The new look is just about done. There are still bugs to be worked out but soon you will find LOTS of new pages with more to be added once I get it up and running. I do apologize for the lack updates lately....it shouldn't be too much longer. I hope that you understand and will agree that it was well worth the wait.
The article I did with FIRST for women magazine comes out today. Apparantly it hit the shelves a little early in some parts of the country. The photo of me is on page 17 along with an article about 'How Stress Affects a Woman's Weight'. I would share more but I haven't even seen it yet. I hope that if you pick it up you can somehow relate and take something positive away from it. :)
I'm off to run now...... :)
Thanks again for letting me share my life with you......for supporting me and for sharing your own wisdom with others.
Until next time remember....
....it's ALL about your attitude!
~Kim
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