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Words of Wisdom
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- Humor -
The howl of the wind and the whining of the brownies
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Satan dwells within brownie mixes. I'm sure of it.
He makes his home in comfort within that cardboard box with the Pillsbury Doughboy on it's cover.
Ever notice what a wicked smile that Doughboy has on his face anyway? It oughta be a clue.
But until now I really hadn't paid much attention!
It's 4 AM and I wake to the howling of the wind and a faint cry of 'Mommy......I gotta peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.'
I have learned that it is not advisable to ignore that faint cry and so up I get to assist her to the potty.
(Oh the joy of living in an old farmhouse with only one bathroom on the first level.
I KNEW I should have brought that bucket up here with me tonight!!)
Little whisps of icy cold air lick at my bare arm as we pass the huge window in the staircase. I'm freezin'!
And as I'm herding this goat down the stairs now I hear another faint cry.
"Kellllllllllllllllllly. Come eat us. We know you are hungry."
And sure enough, just then I realize I am. My tummy is growling.
My duty to The Tinkler is done now and she's all drained,
washed up, encouraged to climb back up the stairs, tucked in and kissed.
I settle back into my own bed, my spot still warm beneath the covers....
"Mmmmmmm this is nice", but now I can't sleep.
"Kellllllllllllllly. Come eat us. There are a lot of us here, at least come and eat a few of us."
What is that scripture??? Get behind me brownies! Something to that affect!
Perhaps I'm a multi personality...they hear voices in their heads too! I'm worried.
"Oh Kellllllllllllllly....KELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLly, we can hear your tummy growling...
come snag one of us.
We are moist and chewy. You know you love us!"
I reach for the remote. Perhaps there's a good movie on. Oh great....... Damien, Omen II.
(I swear it was on AMC, look at your TV guide! It's no exaggeration!)
Satan, you live in that brownie box AND the TV, don't you?
You were just waiting for the right moment to tempt me!! I was so proud of myself.
I don't want to deny my daughter a great childhood and so I want her to enjoy the experience of cracking eggs and stirring,
then watching the brownies cook while the light in the oven is on.
And I did so well, I didn't even lick the spoon when she was finished stirring! And now this!
You were just waiting for the right moment, weren't you Rascal!?!
"Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely, we're waaaaaaaaaaiting. There's cold milk in the fridge.
Nothing tastes so good as cold milk and a chewy brownie....come to us, consume us.
All your friends are eating us, we will make you POPular!"
I hold my hands over my ears. And then...what's that???
Hey, that's a snore I hear. There's a warm body in this bed with me.
I know the perfect way to get my mind off of chocolate!
"Beelzebub, hush up and settle back into those brownies, I've got an idea!"......
"Honey?" I slip my hand down on his butt and squeeze and press my lips to his earlobe and whisper in my best...
'I'mReallySexyAndThisHasNothingToDoWithTheFactThat
I'mTryingToFendOffThePrinceOfDarknessThatLivesInThoseBrowniesDownThere' voice,
"Wake up Honey" ............nothing.....this can't be!!
Now I mean business! I'm squeezing OTHER stuff, that'll wake 'im!...Wait a minute!!....
I think there're life signs coming from him!! I'm about to hit paydirt!!......"Honey??", I whisper just a little louder.
For a moment the snoring stops.......but what happens next you don't wanna know!....
Quickly I coil away to my own side of the bed the hairs in my nose singed as I roll over trying to avoid the green fog over there.
"Kellllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-E, WEEEEEeeeeee love you. WEEEeeeeeeee want you.
We would NEVVVVER do such a thing to you! We smell DELICIOUS, come have a whiff."
I'm choking now. I want out of this befouled bedroom!
"I'm coming Villain! But I'm not going to eat you,
I'm just going to stand over you and breath in your delicious scent.
Oh mercy you DO smell good. You do tempt me Devil! But you are for Anna not for me.
You belong to her, she made you, she loves you, she can have you and not feel guilt!"
"Oh but Kelly, you can have just one of us...only one of us will not hurt!
Just sink your teeth into one of us, choose and then commit, you've come this far!"
Here I stand in my kitchen in the middle of the freakin' night,
half naked, freezing, dizzy from the foul odor in my bedroom,
holding a pan of brownies in my hand, breathing up their scent and they're talking to me!
Talking to me!! Think of that!
And then out of the darkness across three rooms there is a light.
It's a rather florescent light...a small beam. Down I set that pan and peer toward the light.
"Come into the light Kelly...walk into the light, WE love you, we know you don't need or really want those brownies.
We won't befoul the air that you breath
and we'll never snore on you in the night when you need us most, come to us...we are Angels you know.
Your own personal Angels. Come into the light popsicletoes.
Grab a blanket, cover up those icy digits of yours, and sit and 'talk' to us.
We will listen. We are your Getting2Goal Buddies....come tell us about that Scoundrel Doughboy"
It's 5:15 AM now, and I think I can sleep.
Thanks for your support my goalie friends.
With your help, I think I have overcome this crisis and I think that surely the air in my room is now fit to breath and it is safe to enter.
Let us hope anyway.
Written by Kelly - aka Popsicletoes
posted 1/10/02
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